July 17 2017.
Enpanzran/Intelrifkin's Interactive Book.
Chapter 1: Overview of The Gentle Giant.
I am Enpanzran, also known as AM Waves, my former name. I am a bit of a weird person, as you can ask to other people. They will reply "Yes, he is" 95% of the time. This weirdness actually made me isolated from friendly grounds and I was much of a shy and inturned guy. I don't have a high self esteem, I am serious and cold blooded most of the time.
As the time passed by, I got more of a shy one. When classmates were hanging together, I usually stood in the class, or drew, or imagined things. I was sad and not sad at the same time. The reason I was sad, was that I had no one to talk freely to. The reason I was not sad was, that I believed it was destiny and it would be helpful to not have any life interruptions. (Time with friends, hanging out with friends etc.)
A complex dillemma, that I still can't get through. Should I earn some or not...
Anyways, I am a tech guy. You can ask most to me about science, computing, health and psychology. I said I was serious, however, my age brings some childish stuff with it too. Happy to be with one of the best families in the world. It would have been much different story if I wasn't this shy and, sad-like. Maybe I will solve this sometime.
This was an overview of the topics this book will touch during the whole explanation.
Chapter 2: Through an insane boy's mind.
I see myself as insane, at least to other people. I fell they say I am a weirdo or some kind of a crazy person. They are wrong. Even though I may look and act like a weirdo, you can find a soft, understanding and lone man, under this 7'8.6" body. I might be shy, but I know steps needed to get some friends, proper friends I mean. I tried continuously to find some, for 7 years, and I am still in the look for it.
An insane boy, because you have a 90% chance of calling me insane when you first see me. If we get to know each other more, I can assure, you can get a nice acquaintance. Maybe even a bit of friendship may occur. I never did nor said bad things at people. I don't do things that I don't want done to myself. However, I started have thoughts of doing so. Not caring about them because they don't care about others. Not making them happy, because they never made others happy. Even hurting them, as they phsycologically hurt me and some people. I don't want to care, but my conscience doesn't allow me to.
I would like to plow through them, as slowly I go more insane, with every thought. Even thought of "Hoose" once. But I am a Muslim, and I can't do that. My family will be very sad also. So, I said no to that. If I did something to someone, I may not show any remorse. I would be proud, because they would also know, how it feels like when it's done to them.
It was a difficult thought process, for the whom was, gonna become the nerdy Intelrifkin/Enpanzran. Much to my liking though, whenever I am talking with people online, I get somewhat good reactions, and communicate with them in friendly terms. May still be insane though.
It's kinda good to see, I get positive reactions from people, and some of my peers.
Chapter 3: The Thought of "Others".
The thought of others, is a bit self-explanatory. I think of others, their problems, their emotions, I want to see if I can make sad people happier, I want to see if I can mad people more relaxed. But also, I want to see bullies get bullied, murderers get murdered, dominants get dominated. This is not so easy to control, as your thoughts might ruin your imagination and reputation around people. Don't be a nerdy loser, like I mostly am. This is what I think and I am saying this for good measure, I am not seeking attention, for the people that think I am.
I am feeling happy, as I am getting better getting over these things. I am happy to see myself taking control over my thoughts.
Thanks for everyone who helped me with this. and coping me with this non-sense. TANK you.