I’m a bureaucrat on 9 Wikis, & an Admin on four others. Half of ’em I barely visit at all, which is fine because I was usually invited there temporarily, but some of the bigger ones, like the Sword of Truth Wiki & the Dresden Files Wiki, I’m just not as active on as I am obligated to be. Then there’s the Night Angel, LBS, & RotM Wikis which I really like, but don’t have the time to put love into. I’m worried about staying active on each Wiki to prevent them from becoming eligible for adoption (& thus giving potential adoptees the chance to remove my rights), but I’ve come to realize that Bureaucrat rights aren’t all about ruling; they’re about caring for that which you rule, & protecting it so that it can flourish under your guidance & continuous contributions. I just don’t have the time to put the editing care into all of those Wikis as I can into this one, & even on here I am beginning to lag in main namespace edits.
I think I fundamentally misunderstood what Bureaucrat rights are about, & instead greedily acquired as much power as I possibly could.
Obsession with Wikia
In my oft regretted & infamous Resignation Letter, I bemoaned that Wikia was absorbing too much of my actual life, & I was being absolutely honest when I said it was. That vacation was one of the happier times I’ve had since joining Wikia in full force, & I feel that I should spend less time here. However, even on days that I segment away purely so that I can ignore everything from Wikia & just go to Earth Treks, occasionally I’ll find myself checking my emails, & then I’m answering one, & then another, & the next thing I know I’m latched to my computer again & in no time the day is wasted. I feel that if I took more time off of Wikia & focused more on life (for crying out loud I was here on Christmas Day), then a lot of things would be smoother, & maybe my recent relationship wouldn’t be so off-&-on as it has been, & would be more stable.
MicromanagementI tried to force myself to back away, & let mods handle things on their own as much as possible, but...here I find myself not a day ago making more Rules to segment them into boxes, dependent on my dictates & presence. I set out to make the perfect machine, one that I could walk away from for a month & come back to in perfect order, but instead I feel (& feel free to call me a self-centered prick for saying this) like the machine I created relies on a massive central cog to function properly, me, & would fall into disarray if left alone for too long.
No, this isn’t entirely my hubris, because this is exactly what happened when I went on Vacation for two weeks, & it took a month & a half to fully bring things back into a semblance of order. I need my mods to be more autonomous, but the more power I give, the less I hold, & my power-hoarding self begins to resist it, so I sink back into the disastrous habit of micromanagement. I’ve done a fairly good job in delegating power to SR, & he’s done a good job of taking it up, but the more I give, the more I want to take away, & still I fear that simply placing power in one other person will just create two central cogs, rather than creating a machine that can lose any single cog & keep functioning flawlessly.
I need to figure out a solution & fast, else the chaos of my vacation is bound to happen again; it’s lurking just beneath the thin sheen of order.
Arrogance & Hypocrisy
Often I have taken my position as a leader as a pass to do what I wanted, & to delegate what privileges I wanted to my friends; like a cronyist. From the bottom, cronyism looks despotic & evil, because it is, but from here it feels as natural as breathing, & I must work harder to hold myself to the exact same standards that I hold all others to.
Pride & Hubris
I’d like to think that, if I am proven to be wrong, I will change my beliefs to suit the new information. I also like to think that if I do something wrong, I will admit that it was a wrong, take responsibility for it, & try to right it. This is something I usually succeed at, but it is very difficult, even painful at times, & I occasionally fail. This has caused me to become strident in my opinions.
Tbh this whole blog is ridiculously long & most people won’t read it. I feel like I’ve been combating this issue by using TL;DRs as much as possible when I write rules n such, so that people can just read the short version & then stop, but though I’m good at condensing, I’m not good at being concise, which is something I need to work a little on.